Breast Friends

WELLNESS | by VALERIE GRIFFITH

MY FRIEND HAS BREAST CANCER. When she shared the news of her diagnosis I yearned to help her, but like many of us I was uncertain about how to help. Since then I’ve learned a few things. Breast cancer does not need to be a solo journey. Here’s how you can help your friend along the way.

• Let her know these three things: 1) I’m here for you. 2) I love you. 3) This is so unfair. Repeat often.
• Be a food fairy: Take turns with other friends delivering nourishing meals as she recovers from surgery, chemotherapy or radiation treatments.
• Be specific. Resist generalizations such as, “Let me know if there’s anything you need.” Your friend is probably overwhelmed with her concerns, treatment decisions, etc. Lighten her load with specific suggestions: Can I do your laundry on Fridays?
• Keep track of her chemo schedule and offer to keep her company while she receives her treatments. Or brighten those days with unexpected treats – a soft blanket, lilacs from your garden, a message bracelet, a batch of homemade salted caramels.
• Call her. She craves positive news and a sense of normalcy. Talk to her about the funny little things going on in your life – your teenage drama queen and ongoing adventures with the good dog who does bad things. Do not discuss the earthquake in Haiti or the latest terrorist threat.
• Be there for the long haul. After an initial flurry of activity surrounding a diagnosis, friends sometimes drop out of the picture as the months roll on. She may move inward during this time, gathering her strength for chemo and radiation treatments. Don’t fall off the map. Send her a card, email her a poem, invite her on a walk, sit quietly and read with her.